Living Years Blog

Regardless of how well we look after our health, it is a given that we will die one day. By caring for our bodies we can enjoy good health for as long as we live but we will not live on this earth forever. We all know this and yet death is  a subject many people avoid thinking or talking about.

When someone we know and love dies it is normal to feel sad and to grieve for that person. There are many different ways in which people do this. Many cultures have rituals and ceremonies around death to help those who remain behind to come to acceptance and closure.

The vast majority of people will do exactly that in their own way and in their own time-if we let them. More recently there has been ,as part of a general trend to medicalize normal human emotions, a tendency to see grief as some form of illness which requires some form of treatment.

It is interesting then to see a new book, ”The other side of sadness” which has looked at the path of many people through grief. The finding is that 85 to 90% of people cope and adapt in their own way and time without any form of treatment including formal counseling.

Is this really surprising?  People have coped with death since the beginning of mankind. Whilst counseling has a role for some people, the majority will do just fine with adequate time and the support of friends and family. When facing grief we need to be able to both enjoy memories of the god times coupled with sadness that there will be no more good times with the deceased.

What sometimes makes it tricky is that there can be mixed emotions. This too is quite normal. We might be angry or have unresolved conflicts with the person who has died. It is seen as inappropriate to be angry with someone who has passed on but the fact that they have does not in itself mean that suddenly the issue you had with them has died.  It means though that you must now come to terms with it without the other person. Sometimes we need to shake our fist at the sky or stomp our feet to release the emotion. This is not for everyone but has a valid role for some.

The key in all this is that grief is a normal human emotion. It is not a disease, which requires treatment. It is a reaction to an event such as the passing of a loved one. It is no more abnormal to feel grief in this situation than to feel joy on winning lotto yet no one would suggest counseling after the latter.

Some people will benefit from counseling if they are getting “stuck” and find themselves not able to move on with their lives. However just the knowledge that what you are experiencing is normal ,and that in most instances will be a stage from which you emerge is an empowering start point.

For more information on Dr. Joe, you can visit his website here.